First published in the UK, 2012, under the title French Children Don't Throw Food
I'm soon to be a grandmother! Recently my daughter soon to be a mother asked me if I'd heard of the book Bringing up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman. I'd read it years before under the UK title I find more catchy, French Children Don't Throw Food. (The USA title was inspired by a famous film featuring Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant and a baby leopard.)
Druckerman, an American expat living in Paris, was mystified at the sight of French toddlers sitting still and eating in restaurants, rather than complaining and running around like her own children and others she'd known when living in New York City.
She spent several years researching differences between French and Anglo (American and British) child-rearing practices, then published her findings in this instant bestseller fashioned around French parenting.
The book focuses on areas where the author thinks we Anglos can learn something from the French, and while some may take offense and find the book lacking in praise for non-French methods, I thought the author was simply saying that sometimes the French way is worth a try. Throughout the book, she occasionally mentions how she continued to parent like an American, and points out positive aspects of the Anglo way, such as a greater flexibility that might lead to more creativity.
Among the many "magical French better behavior" tips you can find if you read this book, the one I remember most is simple: Wait.
Wait. Let children wait.
Wait for a few minutes before you go running to see what's wrong every time baby makes the smallest sound. Maybe he/she will go back to sleep alone.
Let children wait for dinner if it's not time yet. Let them wait for an answer if you are in a grown-up conversation.
Waiting gives children confidence as they learn they can handle things on their own.
This reminds me of an experience I had with an American friend in Paris when we left our babies at home with babysitters and went out for tea and dessert. (OK, that's another topic, French Women Don't Have Dessert...). Anyway, we'd barely bitten into our chocolate tarte when my friend, checking in with the sitter for minute by minute updates, learned that her baby was crying. OK, I thought, babies cry. But my friend said, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to leave. And she did. She got up and went home, leaving me with my mouth dropped open in astonishment and nothing to do but fill it with more tarte and tea. Most French parents, says the book, would not rush home in this case, because they have a more strict sense of separation between being a parent and being an individual, and both are sacred, while British and American parents tend to put parenthood before their own needs.
Another difference the author notes is daycare.
On the whole, the French think daycare is the best method of childcare, even for very young babies, whereas in the USA and UK, it's often looked at with a certain amount of suspicion. This could partly be because the daycares in France are quite amazing places. For example, thanks to the full-course lunch menus (with different degrees of mushing up depending on the age), French children learn to taste a lot of different foods almost from birth. While you could argue that this contributes to the "finicky French" stereotype, it nonetheless probably helps keep them from throwing food. They're too busy eating it.
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